BLUES

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”

~

Stephen King (The Shining)

 

Okay, I admit it – I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. Like my friend, “Ice-cube Jack” here, I think my brain is freezing up on me. One would think that having received the good news last week that L is cancer-free, everything would be coming up roses. And it certainly is on that front – but, wait a minute. . . 

 

Let’s segue right into having your mom being on death’s door. And I wish I were being facetious but I’m not – literally we weren’t sure mom was going to make it through the week-end. When I contacted my sister, Ell, yesterday morning her first comment was (and I don’t have to guess at what she said because it’s been immortalized in FB messages) :

 

Hi John, I peaked in on Mom. Still breathing. I’m staying home and Di is coming over. Nurse coming today… setting up Hospice Care. Will keep you posted.

 

 So, okay, still breathing is a good thing, I think. It made me realize, after my experience with L’s father, that we needed to begin making arrangements for my mother’s passing. After all, you can’t just leave a body in a house – you have to bring it somewhere and with L’s dad that somewhere was a funeral home. So, when I arrived at work yesterday morning (a Monday no less), I started looking on the internet for nearby funeral homes and oh yeah, let’s just buy a cemetery plot while we’re at it.  You know, just the kind of fun stuff one likes to do on a Monday morning.

 

Now let’s throw, on top of that, some insistent workmates who are confident that the projects they dreamed up over the weekend and to which they’ve assigned a three-day deadline (oh yeah, in the middle of audit season, not to mention trying to catch up on a backlog of work after sitting in a hospital room for two months wondering if your wife is going to live, or in what manner she will be living when all is said and done) . . .

 

Yes, it was a glorious Monday.

 

I admit it.  I lost it. And I so hate losing my cool. The only thing that ultimately helped me was my beautiful wife who was doing her utmost to wrap circulets of spiritual protection around me, my mom and my entire family. I cannot express how much I love her.

 

And so now it is Tuesday and I need to let all of the negativity and fears and doubts and sadness go for all of this is just another part of life. There will be good days, and there will be bad days and there will be sad days. And sometimes they all pile on top of each other so you don’t know which direction to turn and your brain gets all scrambled and you just want the whole world to stop for a minute so you can just sit in silence and let the quiet seep into your soul and wash away all of the grief and doubt and anger and sadness and just leave you clean – like the world after a heavy rainstorm.

 

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4 Responses to BLUES

  1. mama2230 says:

    Sending positive energy. .. I’m sorry things are so difficult right now!

  2. elrondsilvermaul says:

    On Stopping the World
    Back in the now ancient 60’s, there was a musical, “Stop the World, I Want to Get Off!” The notable feature of it was that in the middle of a crisis scene, Littlechap, the protagonist, would call out. “STOP”, and everything but Littlechap would freeze while he would discuss the situation he was in, how he felt about it, how he wished it would go, and then, the scene would resume, he feeling he had gained or learned something in that pause (meditation- one of the songs from that play is the What Kind of Fool Am I number). It had a respectable run on Broadway, but the 1966(?) movie, which was the version I saw, went through faster than a sneeze.
    How often in life have I wanted to call out ‘Stop! I need some time here to understand, to adjust-‘ but it never happens. The world keeps rolling on piling suffocating event after suffocating event upon us in a marathon of pain and confusion. That we survive this marathon is the thing for which we wish. That we do is because of our own and inner strength salted by the love with which we are surrounded.
    You, my friend through the magic of electronics, have endured and survived so much, this year. Stop. Take a breather. Enjoy. The World may not wait for you, but it will continue and you will be there to respond to it when necessary.
    PS: Your entry was a great prompt and I’m publishing most of this in my own blog, today.

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