I Lost Everything,
I Have Found Myself.


Once upon a time, I felt like this. It was July 2001. I spent the night of July 4th in ultimate turmoil as I faced the end of my marriage. The next morning I packed a few things, got into my car, and left my house for the last time. I ended up spending the next three weeks living with a friend and then I moved in with my parents for the remainder of the summer. I think it was sometime around July 10th or so when I really hit my low point of feeling alone, homeless and purposeless. I had no idea what was going to happen to me or where I would end up.


Somehow life has a way of working out. It is now twelve years and a month since that time. I often feel as though I have lived a lifetime and more in these past twelve years. And believe me – not all of it has been easy. There have been such highs and such lows. I guess that is the ebb and flow of life.


Just a short while ago I was reflecting on how it has been 19 years since I graduated from Northeastern University. What a long haul that was. I did various forms of night school and college for twelve years, commencing in 1982 and winding up in June 2004 when I received my second degree. During that time, I never thought I would see the end. The years seemed to go on and on. Oh, there were many times when I enjoyed it – just for the love of learning itself. And there were many nights when I’d be fighting the Sandman in class too, trying to stay awake while the teacher’s voice droned on and on. . . I still hold the acquisition of my degrees as one of my finest hours. I’ve always known that I had problems maintaining my focus – I always had the thought that if I’d have had greater focus, I could have achieved great things. But at least for those twelve years I did maintain my focus to the highest degree possible and ultimately I reaped the benefits of my effort, as I am still doing today.


Yes, I’d have to say I have lost everything a couple of times in my life now. And then I had a choice to make. Do I stay down, or do I get back up again? Ultimately I would chose to get back up and thus far it has always been to my benefit. In my failures, I have learned and I have grown. I guess that is life.

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2 Responses to LIFE

  1. If I am any example, we lose and find ourselves or whole lives- sometimes in bits and pieces, sometimes in chunks. What matters, as I so often have to tell myself, is that we go on- turn the next corner, climb the next hill.

    We are never alone in our turnings and climbing. Along the way there are a thousand angels on each side of us dressed up as friends, mentors, and even enemies- the friends strengthen our hearts, the mentors guide our opportunities and the enemies teach us how to overcome All of them, together, help us choose what is important in our lives- each individual separate life, what is important to it. It is different things for different people and it changes over time. Once, I wanted to be a STAR, now I am at peace with the experiences that came out that wanting.

    And I am rambling on like a fool…

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