I first met my wife back in the latter part of the 1990s. It was a glancing encounter with no thought behind it other than being an interesting person to talk to. Five years later, we both were going through divorces and somehow, we connected. By the Fall of 2002, we had purchased a house together – a huge leap of faith and trust at that time – and settled into a new life of learning how to live with each other. Having both come out of long-term marriages (25 years for her and 16 years for me), we carried a lot of baggage with us and had to learn how to find our own, new way. And no doubt about it – we struggled for a while in the early years. One day, I’m sure as the result of a “struggle”, I came up with the following “recipe” that I think laid the foundation for what we became:




  • Always BE PRESENT when I am with her.



  • LISTEN to every word that she has to say; listen to every breath that she has to breathe.
  • Carry, first, foremost, and always, the most loving and joyful and tender images of our time together.   Hold them forth like a flame, like a beacon to follow.



  • Be always in the process of expressing my LOVE for her, to her.



  • Express my LOVE for her in all moments that we are together.



  • While a certain level of happiness is intrinsic within and of myself, a much deeper happiness and joy can only be experienced when it is co-created through my relationship with her.



  • RELEASE the EGO of the individual so that I may discover the EGO-LESS, SELF-LESS joy and love that is present in our relationship.



  • Release FEAR and accept TRUST in our relationship – that it is for my highest good.



  • When we may be physically apart, still do all of these things because I am never apart from her.



  • Carry her with you always, and in ALL ways.

And so, I guess that has become my recipe for building a successful, loving relationship. No doubt about it, it takes work and involves compromise. We’ve always joked that we are co-dependent, but that is just the way we are and neither one of us would change a thing.

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6 Responses to RECIPES

  1. Janet Miles says:

    That’s a really good recipe! Being married for almost 30 years, I agree.

  2. Cindi says:

    Love this. Thank you.

  3. This is really beautiful, John. I’m so glad you took it in this direction!

  4. Steph says:

    LOVE THIS! I have been 27 years now and could not agree more with what you wrote!

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