“You are important to life. Take time to shut out the world and take care of you. Initiate a process to become grounded. Create a ritual where you go within yourself to create a space of joy, peace and healing as a process of centering yourself. Leave behind the worry, anxiety and stresses of life, if only for a minute, around finances, work, family, health and relationships.

Focus on things that build a stronger and more courageous you and that help you to get a good night’s sleep. These may include mindfulness, chanting, meditation, deep breathing, laughter, prayer, enjoying silence and stillness. Read something inspiring, stretch and exercise your body and mind and practice gratitude. Your life matters. You have something special. You have GREATNESS within you!”

Les Brown



I’m actually struggling to do anything much more than go to work, find food, go home, and wallow around on Facebook. And there’s truth to that statement, and untruth. On a positive note (I think), I did manage to get an appointment set up with Patrick Mathews for a medium reading to connect with. . . well, hopefully Laureen, if she deigns to come through. I just happened to receive an email from his office yesterday indicating that he had some limited availability so I responded right away and by last night I had booked and paid for a half hour session in early September. I have a second person who has also offered to do a reading for me but she also offered a September appointment and I’m not sure two readings in September make sense. I did write back to her so I’ll let her “intuit” what a good solution might be.


In the meantime, feeling like I needed to make some sort of a plan for a getaway, I just sent off an email to inquire about a cottage down in Provincetown. Honestly, I’m just kind of running with all of this because I really don’t know what I want to do. I want to go everywhere and nowhere at the same time. However I did read an interesting bit of advice, if you will, in the Patrick Mathews book last night. He cautioned about going down the road of “living in the past” through memories, to the point where you no longer let the present, or the future, hold your attention. That’s a good caution for me because between all the pictures I have of Laureen, and the extensive amount of writing I did during our years together, it would be really easy to bury myself in my memories of our time together and get lost in that.


So today is Wednesday (even though the heading says “Tuesday”) and I just feel blah! The long Memorial Day weekend is coming up and I am not looking forward to it at all. I have nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no one to be with. That’s about as depressing as it can get. I have no enthusiasm for anything at the moment. My life is feeling a little like that movie, Nebraska – all black and white with a faint background of fatalistic desolate hopelessness.  But that’s probably just the self-pity talking. . .


Okay – this really isn’t doing much to lift my mood today.






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One Response to CONFLICT

  1. You have lost much and the loss is so recent; you need time to adjust, to find the path on which you will continue. Be gentle with yourself, in your grief.

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