EVOLUTION

DRAGON

“You are larger than life, stronger than most and some may say you’re hoarding a great treasure in your secluded cave in the mountains. Though some may want to slay you for your treasure, others admire you for your wisdom and grace. And if they don’t, you can always just sneeze at them and set them ablaze.”

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Ah yes, another Facebook quiz. I wonder what happens with the data collected by all of these quizzes. I sometimes, ok, I suspect that it is all being used to create some sort of profile of each one of us. Possibly consumeristic, possibly even more nefarious. And possibly, both.  {{sigh}}

 

And does that stop me from doing them?  Apparently the answer is evident.

 

An interesting weekend. Going into the weekend I think I’d already planned in my head what I needed to do. I had been feeling like I was beginning to stagnate a bit in my steady progress of closing down Laureen’s life. Man, what a drag that is, when you put it that way, but that’s pretty much exactly what it is. Each small step is another acknowledgement that she is gone and that she is not coming back. I do struggle with that . . .

 

Be that as it may, by Friday of last week I knew what the next step was – officially closing up her art studio so as to begin the process of creating whatever the room is going to be in the future. That meant that it was time to move her ashes, and her altar, somewhere else in the house and that somewhere else is what was once ours, and is now my, master bedroom.

 

There’s no need, really, to go into all of the details. After running some errands Saturday morning (like grocery shopping for the first time in a month or more), I returned home and spent the rest of the day, into the evening, first in preparing the space upstairs, and then in moving both her studio desk, and her altar, up into our master bedroom. I did it all rather stoically, keeping my emotions at bay. By 8 PM, it was done.  Interestingly enough, the added bonus, as it were, was that I moved a bureau in the bedroom to a less conspicuous spot, which in turn opened up a space for which her former art studio desk fit perfectly. So now, for all intents and purposes, I have three different office/desk spaces in the house – and four really, if you count the dining room table which I have taken over as IT central. I like sitting in the dining room to work on the computer because it is the center of the house and I like sitting in the center rather than on one end or the other.

 

That being said, I think the upstairs desk may be a nice reading and journal writing area. I suspect that what was once Laureen’s art studio may become my art studio / library. Our meditation room is well on its way to becoming a meditation / music room and that still leaves my original office which may become my computer room except that I need to figure out the summer / winter thing in that room as there is not a good regulation of temperature. I’m beginning to think that this house may meet my needs, with the exception of needing a good quality guest bedroom somewhere in the house.

 

On Sunday I started to evaluate the space of the house. One thing that I know I need is a lot of storage space. Our/my house (see my reluctance to just call it mine – I’m still not ready to negate Laureen by just calling it “my” house. I’m just not there yet) does not have a lot of closet space.  Anyhow, I took some quick measurements of a few spaces where some additional furniture might add value and then it was off to look for accessories, and get some furniture ideas. Over the course of several trips I ended up getting two colorful, semi-retro table fans, made completely of metal, and then brightly colored – one a beautiful turquoise blue and the second one a bright green. I also got two new lamps. One has a nice steam-punkish look to it – well, actually they both do. And I got a very nice looking, rustic night stand / bureau for the bedroom. The final touch to the accessorizing for the weekend was actually the print that I picked up on Friday. I purchased a print off of the Deviant Art website after having seen it on Facebook, and brought it into a frame shop in Westborough to be matted and framed. They did a great job with it and it looks spectacular.  The print is below and it represents my mental image of Laureen and myself as she died and passed over into whatever comes afterwards. For the last week (and months) of her life, I essentially stood guard and watched over her and cared for her until she died. I am absolutely crystal clear in the knowledge that I fulfilled my duty as her husband and her love, to be the protector and caregiver that she needed at the end of her life and this is how I see it in my mind. The moment I saw the picture I “knew it” and that is why I purchased it. It now hangs above the fireplace in our sitting room and adds a nice masculine touch to the house.

 

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To complete the weekend, I sat down and watched, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty last night. It was also something that had come to my mind to do this weekend and having done so much energy work throughout the weekend, it felt good to finally just sit down and do nothing. Of course, there was a message in the movie for me – but everything in life has messages for us so no surprise in that. I think that it was a reflection of sorts – Ben Stiller’s character was too often in his own head and therefore not fully participating in life. Sean Penn’s final “gift” to him was to motivate him to participate in life more fully, to take risks, and to appreciate what life has to offer.

 

“To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.”  (from “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”)

 

 

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2 Responses to EVOLUTION

  1. I, too, suspect that these quizzes have a “nefarious” agenda, but what the hell, they’re fun!
    May I suggest that you are not “closing down”, but making room?

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