You are a seeker.
Delight in the mastery
Of your hands and your feet,
Of your words and your thoughts.
Delight in meditation and in solitude.
Compose yourself, be happy.
You are a seeker.
The Dhammapada


It is Monday morning and I’m in the office already. I had to get here early today because I have a Compensation Committee meeting at 8:00 AM. But before I get going with that I just wanted to acknowledge my dream this morning. When I was going to bed last night I talked with Laureen for just a little bit, thanking her for being with me throughout this journey of transition and grief. She is such a huge part of who I am now, even as I try to re-create myself into a better version of myself. The last thing I asked of her last night as I was drifting off was that she might come to me in my dreams and that we might just have a gentle, peaceful dream.


Now while I cannot remember all of my dreams from last night, I do remember the last one that I was having just before I woke up this morning. I remember that there were big changes going on in the world – world-changing changes. And I was with a group of people who were preparing to “weather the storm” and then go out and help and/or heal the survivors in the aftermath of what seemed like it wasn’t going to be a good “event”.


So we all settled into a group meditation and who do you think was beside me – Laureen. And it wasn’t like “OMG – there’s Laureen”. It was just like this casual Laureen and I, side-by-side. Now the “funny” thing, if you will, is that we weren’t really buying into the group meditation thing. It was just this feeling that it wasn’t important and that it was really almost more for show – and that the real work was still to come. In the meantime, all we really wanted to do was talk with each other. And that’s what we did. And I cannot remember our discussion at all, but it was nothing earth-shattering. Just a kind chattering, happy to be with each other and don’t really care who is around us, talking with each other. At one point I think we actually just left the room so we could talk without disturbing the others and then we eventually went back and sat on our mats, but only towards the end of the meditation and then it was more like to retrieve our possessions (shoes?) and then we chatted a little more and then it felt like we were getting ready to “embark” or something, like almost board a ship (a starship?) and go to the front lines of whatever this event was, or was going to be – like we were the healers going in the aftermath to clean up the mess. But that was all peripheral – all I know is that I was happy and light and enjoyed talking with her and then I woke up and realized immediately that I had been with Laureen and that she had heard my request last night and we’d had a gentle, peaceful dream, amidst the chaos that was unfolding in the world – and that all of that didn’t really matter – it was just that connection to her and knowing that we were together and could talk our small talk and be happy in that.


I feel calm today. And at peace.


This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Walks with Wolves says:

    A truly lovely dream and a lovely gift from Laureen. 🙂

    • nowandzenn says:

      Thank you, Walks! I was pleasantly surprised when I awoke and realized Laureen was in my dream. It’s only the third time I’ve seen her in my dreams since she died last March.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s