To sleep, perchance to Dream; aye, there’s the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause.


William Shakespeare


Mom Austin 03


I saw mom this morning. She was in the last dream fragment that I had before waking up fully. I’d been having one of those tossy-turny mornings. I think I first woke up around 7 AM or so, but I was feeling very lethargic, even after nine hours of sleep and so I kept falling back to sleep and waking up again, taking fifteen minute catnaps.


In my very last catnap we were both standing in a living room. It was late at night and only mom and I were in the room. Mom was in front of me and I immediately knew it was her. She was older… like the late 50s / early 60s version of mom. There was still a kind of tiredness around her. She kind of had her back to me but she was turned a bit to her right so that I could see the profile of her face. There was a sofa to our right too, and she was in the process of stripping a set of sheets off the sofa, as though preparing to do laundry. I immediately said to her, “let me help you with that” and I took a few short steps over to the sofa and pulled the remaining sheet off of the sofa.


And suddenly I was infused with this almost overwhelming sense of love for mom. It was coming from me, but it was also all around us, so that it was coming from her too and just suffusing the whole space that we were in. The room was pretty dark so that all I could really see was her and the sofa. I felt this sudden urge to tell her that I loved her and I approached her (the sheet that I had just removed from the sofa had mysteriously vanished at this point) and I reached out and touched her right shoulder with my hand with such a strong intention of telling her I loved her but the words never came out and they didn’t have to. The sense of love between us was so strong and tangible. I just had this sense, inside of me, of hearing, “I know”.


And the final, and only thing, that she actually said to me was, “I just want to finish what I was writing. . .”  I noticed that there was a hint of regret in her voice.


And then I woke up, the echoes of love still filling my soul. I was still groggy. I got up, went into the shower, and I could still feel the tendrils of love around me. I wandered through the memory of the dream as I washed my hair with my eyes closed and I started to feel both glad that she had finally appeared solidly in my dream, and sad and as the sadness washed over me I cried a bit for the loss and let the water from the shower wash my tears away.


Angel 01


A short time later, and before leaving the house for work, I did a quick check-in on Facebook. The first message that the great Facebook Oracle gave to me was a message from my sister, Ellen. It was a post that the medium, Deb Livingston had put on Facebook (see above) which was appropriate since Deb was the medium that Ellen and I had gone to, to talk with mom. So only now, as I am sitting here writing, does it hit me that mom is letting me know that she is around.


The second message that I got from Facebook this morning was –


“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone. You’re not a wave, you’re a part of the ocean.”  – Mitch Albom


And I admit, I have been doing a lot of “thinking I’m alone” stuff lately so I guess mom decided it was time to suffuse me with a dose of love. Wow – I am just so glad that I got to see her. It does make me wonder where her journal is because I know she had a significant one somewhere and it sounds like it wasn’t finished. Not that I am the only writer in the family. There is my niece, Maddie, and my brother too, the proverbial tortured poet.


And so now I am just shortly arrived to work this morning, rather late I might add, and I needed to write this all down, now, before it disappears. So while I am at it, I do still recall one other dream fragment. . .


I had been in another dream, and then suddenly I was in a new place. . . starting a new job. I was low man on the totem pole again. I’m not quite sure what the job was. It was for a very small company. I actually think Don Nichols was there (which would qualify this as a nightmare) and in fact, I think it was his company. Don was someone I had worked for back in the 1990s. . . my one foray into the world of publishing but he was one crazy motherfucker. I had to quit after a year because he was so messed up.  Anyhow, I never really saw him in the dream, I just sensed his presence. There was something electrical about the place, like I was going back to one of my former professions of being an electronics technician. It was the end of a work day and I was around my workbench area and they were drinking coffee, or maybe wine or something, and I had to sweep up around my bench with a push broom. Everything in this dream was vague – I never really saw anyone clearly, I wasn’t sure what my job was, and then I think I had woken up briefly and that broke the thread. . . The only thing I vaguely recall was that I was there to “fix” things, to somehow make it all work. And it wasn’t so much the physical work that would do that, almost more like just my presence, or that I would know where to plug in and make things heal and work better. That was my sense of it.


So, on to real life now. I was pretty tired last night. This getting up super early and working late takes a toll these days. In my laziness, I ordered a pizza for dinner. Pizza definitely weighs me down.  Anyhow, after I ate dinner I felt like I was done with Facebook and I just didn’t have the energy to write. It was time to play with my last hope for trying to record my own music at home. I had ordered a new microphone a few days ago. . .  a Yeti USB Blue Microphone. Supposedly just plug and play. For a hundred bucks I figured it was worth a try.


So it arrived on Wednesday and I decided to open it up last night and see how complicated it was going to be. Well, I have to give it to them. . . it literally was “plug and play”. There weren’t a zillion pieces to put together – the microphone was already on the stand. Literally all I had to do was plug the USB cable into the microphone on one end, and into the computer on the other. And it worked!!  And not only did it work with the Audacity software, but it also worked with the Ableton software too.  And I even figured out how to add multiple tracks to a recording using Audacity, almost by accident. (Yes, Master Oogway, I know, “there are no accidents!”)  So I recorded my flute first, and then recorded some drumming, and then put them together. Total and complete awesomeness!!


In the Audacity software, the flute records as it is played, with no embellishments, but it is a very realistic recording of how it sounds. In fact, it is the best that I have been able to achieve so far. The microphone itself has four modes :  cardioid, bidirectional, omnidirectional & stereo.  I only used the cardioid mode last night and it was really awesome!  Very realistic sounding. I did have to add in reverb after the recording, which is relatively easy to do in Audacity.  Ableton is a much more extensive piece of software. I was able to record while working through one of their built-in tutorials on recording and the nice thing about that tutorial is that it had the reverb built into that tutorial and it was pretty damn close to the type of reverb level that I would have tweaked it to anyhow. So I did a few takes of the song, “What Child Is This”, on my flute. Very, very cool!! I am very excited about this. Alas, I simply ran out of steam last night but the preliminary indications are that this is going to let me do what I have been wanting to do, and in a rather simplified manner, which is exactly what I wanted.  Awesomeness!


And so, for now, that’s all I’ve got. Time to let this day unfold.


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  1. Walks with Wolves says:

    That is AWESOME that you are able to start recording your music now! I can’t wait to “hear” you play. Though I know it would be an even better treat to hear you play in person! 🙂
    Glad your Mom came through and gave you the message you needed.

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